Let Bygones be Bygones
by aryaaa
Summary: "The white of her wedding dress looks like a canvas of black and brown streaks , more colours hiding in her coat. But its not him she came to see , he is determined to move on . To control his own heart,when she comes back to his d if that's isn't enough an incident is robbing their chance of reconciliation for good".
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Downton Abbey belongs to Julian Fellowes, itv,Master Piece and PBS.

All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

A/N: So this has been in my mind ever since I started watching particularplot bunny kept annoying me until I had decided to do something about 's AU and I see there are lot of good fics which are AU and quite enjoyable. I hope I can live up to their standard and make it enjoyable for you..Constructive reviews are thanks to my Beta " Mahtra " for helping me with this story

She knocked the door twice, not knocked, actually banged would be a correct word here. The rain fell like huge bricks over her as she adjusted her coat and pulled it tighter around her; trying not to let her teeth shatter too much. She wouldn't want them to fall out, would she.

She was still wearing her wedding dress, complete with veil. Though now it was torn and dirty; the rainwater mixed with muddy roads and the grubby pavement of Manchester made streaks of brown and black. She clutched her coat tightly again. Once upon a time her gown had been a pristine white and beautiful to look at and had prompted the admiration from both their sisters upon their arrival.

But sadly the gown was ruined.It was not fit to wear it at all.She loved the gown very much; it was from her favorite couturier; her father paid fortune for this had she known the person who once wore this gown ,she would never would have chosen this gown ,would never asked her father to spare her another penny.

To tell the truth she never knew, that this will be outcome, that she would ever do something like this , something so life altering and she knew if she stayed she would never find solace in this place she had called home for all her life.

So she ran.

And where did she run off? To only person she seeked comfort that would listen to her and promised to her that he will be there for her whenever she needed him.

She closed her eyes and let the knocker fell against the door , the last few hours had been a blur , she did know she took the train to Manchester and she remembered the urgency she felt to seek him out at his house , beyond that she remembered little of past few hours . she had never been to his home , but she had grown fond of it , nevertheless , recoginizing even in her current situation all these deails from his stories .

And now no one was not opening the door.

She grew impatient rained heavily , She was cold and hungry

After her third knock, he answered the doorhimself.

His face was still beautiful she remembered. It were these ice blue eyes and his hair , the color of straw , that she thought of when she ran from her home .

His face showed astonishment .

She knew she looked horrid; her dark hair which oncehad been artfully done up was splayed down with hair , her hair falling out from all the pins and a dirty gown.

She tried to say something , but  she could only nod.

"M…Mary?" He spoke after a while.

Again she said nothing; she nodded and braced herself over chill 

"Wha-What are you doing here? " oh dear did you run from your wedding ? was an accusatory tone which hit her more than the cold but she didn't blame him.

"Can I come in?" she asked timidlyinstead.

Matthew who was beyond shock .stupefied he took in state of her dress, dirty and wet,before he stood asideand motioned for her come in.

His house was warm . Not just a house but a home .

So warm.  
Nevertheless the events of the day had left her more chilled than bitter cold outside had been able .she didn't dare take her coat off . the marks beneath more than she was willing to reveal just then "

"Good God Mary ! , pray tell what made you do this ? you know we are over , you must know that . you really shouldn't have done that !" His voice was quiet and sad , reaching her ears from behind.

She turned her face to Matthew.

Her face turned into a scowl , she felt like to defend herself.

"Not everything revolves around you, you know!"

His face turned ashen, he clearly thought she ran because of him , what a fool he was.

Was this really Matthew , Her cousin Matthew , cold and cruel ? letting his temper get away with him ? she had to remind herself , they were cut from same cloth .

"Then pray tell why do I have the displeasure of you standing in front of my home in yourwedding dress?" Hehissed menecly ,Mary knew he was still hurt, and she didn't blame him.Leading him on and her reluctance to answer him as he withdrawed his proposal due to it was the cruelest game she ever played with him.

He clearly didn't want her did she come here anyway?

Just because they were friends now, didn't mean they were that close. Of course Matthew did promise her, but not this.

She rubbed her forehead. A headache began rising, pulsating in her temples .

She had a long day and she was starting to feel tired.

"Matthew I am sorry, I didn't mean to lash out like that, I just came here, I don't know how and why I think , I need Lavinia "she sounded tired . her words slow as if she was trying to explain a horrible truth to a child .

Matthew's face himself was shocked.

It had always been universal knowledge .Matthew knew it , she knew it , her family knew it , and none of them had been open to idea of Matthew's fiancee . Her grandmother had even gone so far and tried to persuade Matthew to marry Mary instead , but he had been very decisive when he explained to her he could never love Mary like he loved Lavinia . And even though it had been a heavy blow for Mary , she remained stoic .This was her punishment and she accepted it .

"Please let me meet her "she begged.

"NO! his answer was sharp . as he continued his eyes were drawn to rain not once looking at her ." you certainly did enough damage here, you and your grandmother both, you disregard for my feelings and wishes made it all the more clear to me that there is nothing between us anymore. I don't want Lavinia to see you like this , your state in this wedding dress yet unmarried .Iam sure she would despise me and herself , I promised to be a faithful husband and I am not going to give her more reason to doubt us , I ask of you , please leave , leave at once , before she sees you" .

Both were silent, both regretting.

Mary rose to get up when she saw Lavinia's face descending the stairs.

"Mary, are you alright?" her soft and delicate voice touched Mary and suddenly the dam broke and Mary found herself in state of tears

Lavinia rushed to her side. Pushing everything that happened between them and enveloped her with her arms . Guiding her to a chair nearby

It was then Matthew turned to face her.

"Mary, what happened? What did you do? Has he done something to you Mary? Answer me please!" Lavinia regarded Mary the more her concern rose .

"Answer me please!"

The long strands felt dull and grimy to Lavinia's hands as she patted Mary's head soothingly . Feeling her forehead she gasped .

"She is burning up" Lavinia told Matthew.

Matthew who was now very still, got very mobile. He hadn't known Mary was sick.

"Mary, please tell me! what happened? Did you run? What did he do, Mary? "Lavinia spoke once again.

But she couldn't get through to her . Mary was in hysterics , incapable of answering any of Lavinia's questions . The cold and her sobs making her shake frightfully. Matthew rushed to take off her coat , anxious to bring his cousin some comfort and and it last it came off , revealing what was underneath .

It was streaked with blood.

Huge splashes of blood marked her pristine white gown.

Whose blood it was? Was it hers?

For once again in this dreadful day , Matthew received another shock.

He cursed and gripped her shoulders , shaking Mary like a rag doll

"Mary, whose blood is this? Is this yours? What happened?Tell me!"Came a broken plea.

Please God don't let this be what I think it is.

The words came a faintest of whispers but Matthew and Lavinia heard clearly .

"It is Richard's. I killed Richard Carlisle "

Please review…._  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: Downton abbey belongs to ITV, Master piece and PBS_

_A/N: This story is an AU from S2 onwards with potentially out of character behavior. It is going to be a Downton story with a twist and will introduce very different worlds from the canon one. So I would like to ask you to give me the benefit of a doubt. Hopefully you will enjoy where I am going to take you. A huge thanks to my beta " **MAHTRA **" whose help has been so amazing while editing this chapter_

_._

_Italics represent flashbacks and thoughts._

_Constructive reviews are always welcome._

_Downton Abbey previous day 8: 30 am_

_When Anna helped her to put on her wedding gown, Mary felt like a ton of bricks was coming down over her. It was however a strangely numb feeling. She was neither happy nor sad, just unemotional. The Mary everyone expected. The Mary before Matthew entered her life._

_Matthew. The name sends a sharp pain to her heart .He had been so kind to her, so gentle; he talked to her like an equal. He had been so different from everybody else she knew. For the first time she had felt like he was not interested in her position or her dowry. It had seemed like he hadn't cared for any of that. Her family and her past were for once not defining her in his eyes. _

_She knew that even her own family thought her snobbish. Her grandmother's convictions of class and decorum more were simply more prominent in her mind than in anyone else's. And she had enjoyed this life. The Season in London, the hunting and dinner parties, the finishing school in Paris and her trips. She did not have any misgivings about it. She was a Lady and it was her right to behave as such. However, when Matthew came, he made her question everything, the system. What she had believed in since she was a little girl, about her approach to life , everything ._

_But she had hurt him badly,. Her rejection had injured him gravely, to the point that he had vowed never to speak to her again._

_And it had been her fault, her mistakes that had torn them apart, and her reluctance that had resulted in this gorge between them. Certainly his doubts were to blame, too. But it had been her secret, this secret she had refused to share with him and would carry to her grave now that kept them apart in the end. Fitting she thought, as Kemal had died in her bed._

_And now she was convinced. He wouldn't be able to bear it. Matthew, the personification of virtue, would never be able to see past it, to see her._

_So when Bates' wife threatened to tell Sir Richard, Mary thought it would be better if he learned coming from her. But in the end this reveal cost her her life._

_Sir Richard had proposed and after everything she had accepted him_

_She wasn't going to marrying for love; she would be marrying so that somehow her secret would remain safe._

_And when she saw how Matthew and Lavinia got engaged, she jealous of them, not because of Laivinia had Matthew now, but because they shared love for each other, one thing she had always desired._

_And then she was ready. Dressed and polished, but nowhere near ready for what was to come. She need a some moments to herself. Some final moments to be Mary Crawley before she had to be someone else._

_She really hoped the marriage between Sir Richard and she was going to work out; because deep down she knew he would make her life miserable otherwise._

_How she wished Matthew was the one she was going to marry._

_Though in the end, this might be a good thing she thought., She was certain Matthew will despise her if he knew and that she could not bear. It would kill her._

_She was more convinced than ever. He was not allowed to learn what she had done. _

_Hiding this secret was taking toll on her; she felt like Atlas, the burden of her secret slowly but surely crushing her. And she felt so very tired of carrying it both mentally and physically._

_And there was another secret too._

_That she was still unchangingly in love with Matthew._

_This secret was harder to hide and harder tokeep., When she heard Matthew was going to marry Lavinia after everything that happened, it tore her apart from the inside. She never believe she could grow so bitter, and become so forlorn at an age like hers, but when she heard of their plans for the future she felt all of it.._

_After that unfortunate kiss in the hall, and losing her mother to this horrible new kind of influenza, Matthew and Mary had decided to part ways as nothing happened._

_But something had happened._

_They should not have kissed, they should not have danced, and they had disturbed the whole balance of their relationship._

_She should not have imposed upon him._

_Maybe it was for the best._

_He was happy with Lavinia; she would be fine with Richard._

_Well maybe "fine was not the right word but she had a hard time finding an appropriate word for what she thought life with Richard was going to be like._

_For one thing there was the fear. She was horribly afraid of him. He knew her secrets, he had a bad temper, he was utterly jealous of Matthew, and he had made it clear already that if necessary he intended to use the power he had over her._

_And yet she was getting married to this man._

_She hated that she was doing this. Hiding from Matthew like this. _

_She had always believed herself to be a brave woman. Marrying Richard, and under these circumstances, had shown her what a coward she was. And she detested him for that._

_She knew if she backed out, he would use _

_Her secrets to bring shame to her and her family., And she could not let that happen. The last moths had brought enough misery to Downton; she didn't intend to add to it._

_And her sisters, maybe she wasn't overly fond of Edith, but she wanted them both to make respectable matches, something that would be utterly impossible if the news of a Turkish diplomat dying in the bed of an Earl's oldest daughter became public knowledge. No, she would go through with their agreement. And Matthew was going become the next heir without having past of his cousin soil his reputation. For a short self-pitying moment she considered herself to be a sacrificial lamb, slaughtered for the benefit of those around her. But it had never been her constitution to wallow long like this and so she returned to her less noble reasons. _

_Didn't want to be disowned, didn't want her name to be dragged in mud._

_She needed to remember: By agreeing to marry him, she was first and foremost saving herself_

_A fresh wave of tears came upon her and she allowed them to be flow, while she promised herself this would be last time she cried for her fate, her future and her home._

_As if it was coming from far, far away, she heard a soft knock. Anna had to have come back. Was it time for her to get into the carriage already?_

_But instead of Anna ready to assist her with her train, it was her future husband who stood there in the door._

_She had to give it to him; his tailor had done a marvelous job with his morning coat. But Mary didn't feel any flutter in her stomach. As she looked at him, she wished his eyes were a little bit more blue, his hair a bit thicker and blonder and his jaw a bit more angular._

_"Richard what are you doing here? Why are you not at the church? "She asked her jaw dropping at sight of him._

_Richard's behavior this morning confused her. He didn't answer her but instead made his way into her room._

_._

_"I hate to point out but we have wedding to go to "she jested, her calm and jovial demeanor only a front. _

_Richard didn't say anything Instead he only stood and observed her as she retreated into the far corner of her room. And the longer this strange behavior lasted the more unsettling it became._

_Mary cleared her throat._

_There was barely anyone left in the house. Her father was most likely already outside, waiting for her to meet him in the carriage. Anna and the few servants left in the house were downstairs in the kitchen._

_"Richard, what's going on? We are supposed to get married in..." she looked at the carriage clock on her dressing table "twenty-five minutes. You need to get to church now and wait for me at the altar." She quietly said, wishing he would just go away. _

_"How much do you love him?" he asked suddenly._

_"What?" she asked confused. The question had come completely unexpected._

_Richard gritted his teeth and moved closely towards her._

_"I asked how much you loved Matthew Crawley?" his breath reaches her ears as a hiss. His body was too close for her comfort. Mere inches between them._

_And while she had contemplated her love for Matthew only moments ago, she wasn't prepared to explain her feelings to Sir Richard just now. Mary didn't know how to answer that, she didn't want to answer that. She needed time to find an answer that would placate him., _

_Their close proximity made her privy to the real reason for Richard's fixation. She could still the Scotch on his breath. By the stench of it, it had to have been more than his usual share. She wondered whether he was having doubts about their wedding as well._

_"I don't know what you are talking about! "She tried to dissuade him and made a move to get out of his reach. When his hand closed around her arm she was surprised. She hadn't expected him to be still this quick. ._

_Mary had enough of this. She didn't care for the smile he gave her just now and she wanted to be done with this whole wedding business._

_But when she attempted to move sideways again, he blocked her again.._

_"Honestly Richard! You need to compose yourself. We need to get to church. I will ring and have them His behavior was starting to get ridiculous. Didn't she tell him already all he needed to know?_

_"You loved him very much; you still do "His voice was soft and for a moment she felt sorry for him. But her annoyance wan out. Of all the times to question her loyalty, did he really have to forget what he held over her on their wedding day?_

_"I think its marvelous how always come up with these ideas. As I told you he and I are finished. He chose someone else . You remember? We have been through this before! "She was beginning to lose her patience ._

_And suddenly he had a hold on her hands, twisting them and forcing Mary back against the wall._

_A quiet whimper escaped her throat against her will._

_"You are hurting me!" _

_Richard led a low laugh, she could feel his arms vibrate as he laughed She could feel the panic rise in her chest._

_"Really? But look here, my love, I am the one who is actually HURT. " _

_"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" she finally lost it and tried harder to get her fingers from that grip._

_"Oh you didn't think I would find out? that I would not find out how you kissed Matthew Crawley right after his fiancée fell sick? How you danced in the hall while you both were promised to someone else? And , how you two reminisced and were about to execute these foolish fantasies and hurt everyone around you, had Miss Swire not interrupted you? Could have been if his fiancée hadn't interrupted yout? You were so willing Mary, so very willing, to be with him, why can't you be willing with me?" his soft voice was betrayed by his menacing words and actions._

_Mary was glad she had chosen a long sleeved wedding dress. The hands on her arms were pressing hard against her flesh._

_"How do you know about this? Did Lavonia tell you?" she asked._

_"Lavinia had nothing to do with this, I watched you two myself. "he told her._

_"Is this new habit of yours? Are you spying on me now?" she turned to shake him off but he pushed her further against the door._

_"Well, I thought it prudent to keep up with my future wife, especially so when a former lover is involved._

_"He is not my lover, we are finished! How many times do I have to tell you this? You are so insecure"-_

_As soon as she had said it, she knew it was the wrong thing to say. Richard hurled her body against the door, her head slamming against its floral décor. _

_The wet sensation she felt on her temple told Mary that she had to be bleeding, _

_"What on earth are you doing? I am your bride. This is our wedding day: We should be at church by now, everyone is waiting for us!" Richard angry who was now punishing her head was in too many places at once. She was furious with Richard for attacking her like this, possibly ruining her wedding dress and definitely her wedding day. And then there was the fear to lose face in front of everyone who was someone in England. But she also felt like Richard was right, that she deserved to be punished. She could understand how he felt. She knew how she had felt when confronted with Lavonia. It was confusing at a time when she needed to see clearly._

_"Well, I suppose you are right my love. We will just have finished this once and for all on our wedding night, don't we?" _

_Until that very day, she had never thought Richard to be a violent man, vicious of course, but not like this. What was he going to do? Violate her? Kill her? Why had she ever accepted him?_

_To the hell with the secrets._

_"Richard, please let me go and I promise that I will be good and loyal wife to you., whatever you ask shall be done. You don't have to be like this. " she pleaded. His laugh just then did nothing to reassure her._

_"Mary you would never be loyal to me., You would be His and his only, no matter how much I want to make you mine. " His voice shook with anger._

_"Really Richard, I am surprised how highly you think of me , but please let's get to the wedding and we talk about this later. " Once again she tried to loosen his grip on her, but he was unyielding, his fingers as strong as before. She had never seen him affected by the alcohol like this._

_"This wit doesn't become you. You are not that clever , Lady Mary. I guess everybody always told you what an accomplished Lady you were, but are not. They were just lying to get to your inheritance., As it is, you my dear are a very plain and a stupid girl on top of that .And the only thing you are good at is destroying other's people's lives!" _

_Mary turned around, his face was very red, and he were wearing the expression of a very hungry wolf._

_"What on earth you mean?" she asked._

_"What if I was to kill Matthew Crawley tonight, would that make you mine?" Something in his eyes frightened her. It told her, he might actually have it done._

_"WHAT?" She couldn't help but yell._

_Hot white anger rose up; he was going to hurt Matthew, not hurt but kill him._

_"You can't do that!" She wanted to yell, to shout, but she knew it would only agitate him further, so she kept her voice as level as she could.._

_Richard wore a calm expression. _

_"What if I tear him from limb to limb by couple of vicious dogs, would that make you mine?" _

_Mary stood still, she didn't know how much of it was true, or it was happening just then or if he was really planning to kill Matthew, but she knew one thing: _

_She needed to keep Matthew safe._

_And suddenly the anger burst out of her. Giving her powers she never thought she possessed. And without having been taught how to fight anyone but Edith she knew what to do. She let her leg swing up and got him somewhere near his stomach, propelling him backwards and away from._

_She started running, quickly opened the door and fled the room._

_Richard was only yards behind her. As she fled through the house, she yelled for help, but it seems all the servants had either gone or were downstairs. _

_She rushed towards to the hallways, calling out. For anyone. Hoping someone would come and rescue her._

_Where was everyone?_

_She quickly found the Priest's Hole in a pilaster she had loved as a child used to hide there._

_She could hear footsteps just outside. Her she was hiding in the dark and crying, praying for someone to save her, when today was supposed to be her wedding day; she was supposed to marry the man she was hiding from._

_It was terribly tight. No room to move and hardly any air to breath. Still, other people had spend days in these hiding places and survived, so she could stay in here for only a little while longer._

_And then she had to blink. Her eyes blinded by the sudden light. And there he was, standing in front of her, cornering her even worse than before. He looked terrifying. His smart morning coat rumpled; His eyes bloodshot and mad. And even worse, he held a shotgun in his hand. Whatever he intended to do, she was not going to go without a fight. So she filled her lungs with the new air he had led in and_

_, She screamed._

_Sir Richard wasn't having any of that though, he slapped her so hard she fell on the ground._

_"Mary, Mary, Mary! Didn't anyone teach you that you should please your husband? And I must say your screaming does not please me. So you better stop it, before I do something we both might regret."_

_She quieted down, her sobs becoming hysterical. _

_"Now where were we?" he smiled and held the barrel against her neck. His hands were caressing her arms, her shoulders, the sides of her body, brushing over her hips and touching her as only a wife was supposed to be touched and never when she was staring down a shotgun._

_"You won't kill him "she said more convincingly than she felt._

_"You are right I won't, I might kill you instead "he said softly._

_Had Richard thought this threat would subdue his fiancé, he was mistaken_

_Mary fought back, her nails clawing his cheeks. Seemingly very little bothered by her resistance Richard slapped her and continued with his exploration of her body._

_Mary was furious. She would not go there again. Kemal Pamuk was one man too many as far as she was concerned._

_This time she would fight back ._

_The hair comb which Anna fixed in her had a very sharp set of teeth, horribly difficult for Anna to get in without slicing her scalp open, solid platinum, it was her mother's last gift._

_But now this gift had to be be used for another purpose._

_"I. Won't. Let. You. Touch. Matthew." she panted out ._

_As Richard made his way closer to her , she sank her hair comb into his neck , deep into his veins. _

_Richard tried to fight, but at last Mary was so ANGRY, a wild animal woke inside from her and continuing to sink the metal teeth into his flesh, over and over, again and again..._

_Hot blood flowed like a fountain, marking her face red, her arms, her dress, but she couldn't stop. She carried on until Richard Carlisle was thoroughly dead._

_For a moment it was quiet, she heard nothing, just the smell of blood in her nose._

_Then she looked at her hands and hair comb._

_She dropped her hair comb, and cried._

_She had killed someone , she committed a murder._

_All to save a man who was never going to love her.. _

_She had to flee._

_Back in her room she wiped her face the best she could and took her purse and coat before she rushed to the door. Not caring where the carriage had gone and only stopping briefly to look back at what once had been her home as she hurried away._

_She would never return to it, and she didn't know anywhere else to go. She doubted she would be welcomed at Aunt Rosemont's and her friends in London._

_Manchester._

_The thought struck her.; she had to get to him, to warn him somehow and to make sure he was safe._

_She ran down the station. The train to York was leaving n a few minutes. And before long she would be in Manchester.._

_As she finally came to a rest in her compartment, she reflected on what she had done. By now they had to have discovered his body. A murderess made worse by her flight.,_

_And Matthew? He would hate her for it._


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: First of all thank you very much for your kind reviews, it's been an huge help and really boosted my confidence. I know it's a different AU, a risky one at that but I am very willing to give this a go. And thanks to my amazing beta "mahtra" for helping me, without her I am utterly hopeless.

Acknowledgement: Dear Guest, stay tuned and give this AU a chance, I promise you won't be disappointed.

The Grandfather clock chimed twelve times, thus marking midnight. The house was quiet and dark. The heavy rain still had not stopped. Once upon a time he had liked the rain very much, but now he wanted it to end, and wished the sun come up soon; so all this could be disregarded as a bad memory or a dream upon waking.  
Like the woman in her white dress resting upstairs in his spare guest room.

He knew that there was a reason for her actions. Mary had shared her reasons of killing Richard Carlisle to Lavinia, but she had kept the information from him. It unsettled him. He did not like being kept in the dark. Lavinia had said that she was going to explain everything, once she had Mary settled.

This secrecy only increased his confusion, why was Lavinia of all people so kind to Mary? What kind of secrets were they keeping from him?

Was it maybe not just Mary, but Lavinia as well who kept secrets from him? He remembered when they first got engaged, Cousin Rosamund had him quite convinced that Mary knew something about Lavinia that Matthew did not. For a brief while he had been worried, but when Mary had told him she had no idea what he was talking about he breathed out in relief.

He was not interested in any more drama after his time of uncertainty with Mary. And at once his thought went back to this dark time in 1914, when he had withdrawn his proposal. Even though he was convinced to have made things easier, it had been painful to leave Downton, to leave Mary and during his time in the trenches his mind had gone back to their last meeting time and again.

He had never expected that he would carry such immense guilt and regret with him.  
He had been hurt of course but after a while when he had reflected some more, it seemed like he had been quite young and absolute in his views, and by being so harsh had forced them all to be in this present situation.  
He should have given her a chance. It was quite unforgivable that he had not.  
And now he saw the consequences of his stubbornness.

As if it was coming to him from far, far away he heard Lavinia enter the parlor and set a tray of tea in front of them.  
He was so engulfed in his thought that it didn't even surprise him that it was Lavinia who had brought the tea tray in herself..

"Matthew are you alright?"

Matthew was brought out of his thoughts and turned to face her. Her delicate hands were stirring milk in his tea, a simple gold band on her ring finger shimmered brightly in the barely light room.  
He tore his eyes away from the golden ring, and looked down at his own.  
everything that had happened they had quietly gotten married in Lavinia's parish; their wedding was was a quick affair, not to say hurried, set just after the mourning period for Reggie Swire was up.

They hadn't want to impose on his extended family in Downton and with Cousin Cora's death still so present in their minds, they had postponed to tell them of their wedding.

Truth be to told, he had not been ready to get married so soon after losing Cousin Cora but Reggie Swire had insisted he wanted to see his daughter taken care of and happy at last. There hadn't been many guests. The few members of Lavinia's family had come, but his side in the church had held only his mother.  
Matthew knew it was rather selfish to get married in such difficult times. And however much he had wanted Robert and his family to be there on his wedding day, he knew that they would not have approved nor would they have accepted this marriage.

"Is she resting? "He asked, accepting her offer of tea.  
"Yes, it was difficult to get her to calm down, but in the end the day caught up with her. I think she will be fine for now."  
"I see."  
"What is it?" Lavinia looked rather irritated

Matthew kept staring at his tea, staring at the pattern his spoon made. He knew he should talk to her. He had never considered himself a coward, had managed to hold is own through most of the war, but he dreaded this conversation nevertheless. He didn't want any more people getting hurt because of him.

"Nothing" he whispered quietly.

"Well it clearly is not nothing. The way you act since you discovered that she killed Sir Richard... And I think this is about far more than that." Her words were quiet, whispered as if she was afraid the shadows might hear her, as if she was afraid she was indeed telling the truth.

Matthew inhalded sharply. It had been a bad shock for him to hear Mary tell such strange tales, it was still something that could be dismissed as temporary insanity if needed, but having Lavinia repeat this made it so much more real.

"Please, what did she tell you?" he asked, searching for truth in her eyes.

"Only that she acted in self defense." she answered back with rapt attention.  
"Is that so?"

The only reply Matthew got was a raised eyebrow. Over the course of the last few months, Lavinia had gotten much quicker and had learned how to handle a great variety of situations in admirably diplomatic ways. The sweet girl he had once thought fragile, who needed protecting from all the dangers of the world, was gone. Instead there stood a very modern and intelligent woman, who was well accustomed to a lawyer's questions.  
He had to force himself not to shake his head.

The Lavinia he saw just then was very much like Mary had been during the war. He thought back to how many a time Lavinia had been distraught and inconsolable, how she hadn't been able to deal with the situation they found themselves in, while Mary had been cool and collected and had taken it all in a stride.

And here he was, seeing Mary grow more and more agitated, unable to control her tears and loosing herself more and more in her hysteria. He didn't mind Lavinia's new found composure, truth be told he rather enjoyed it.

"My darling, I need more than that. There has to be something she was defending herself from. I am sorry for saying this but a mere argument is not going to save her from the rope. What was he going to do to her? How was he going to harm her? Believe me, my dear, you really don't want to hear what I am thinking of right now."  
"Matthew, remember who he was. Sir Richard was a vile and cruel man, and I know I shouldn't say this but I think his being dead is rather a good thing."

He wanted to shout at her that he knew that, that her answers with their brevity and innuendo didn't help. What had Sir Richard done? Why didn't anyone tell Matthew the truth?

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, LAVINIA, I KNOW WHAT KIND OF PERSON HE WAS, BUT THAT WON'T HELP MARY'S DEFENSE... DAMN HIM. DAMN THIS WHOLE BLASTED BUSINESS."

"Do not shout at me." Her voice shook.

"Lavinia" he began, and this time his voice was softer, he really didn't meant to be so short-tempered with his wife, but the thoughts in his head were getting out of hand, not to mention Mary's options of defense or flight were shrinking by the hour.

"Lavinia, I have to know... When you say self defense- I am thinking all sorts of horrors he might have inflicted... You just need to look at the state of her dress or how stupefied her mind was... I have been thinking what the real story might be; why she didn't tell me and instead she told you; what is this horrible secret she has been keeping from me that you won't speak of? I know Mary is stubborn and she would probably take the truth with her to her grave... But I have to know! I have to! This is my home. She came to my house; She was the one to involve me. I don't know where my head is.I mean, she is family, isn't she. For the sake of her safety and the investigation I have to know, to know it now. We need to be prepared. We need to know what to do if police comes knocking at our door in the morning!" his voice shook with despair.

"Did him…did he force… on…her?" he asked hesitantly, while turning his back so Lavinia wasn't going to see his broken expression.

Silence.

"Well?" He asked again.

There was a bursting sound and carefully erected wood pile collapsed in the fireplace, sparks flying up the chimney.  
A moment later Lavinia got up and put her hand on Matthew's arm. He looked at her. To her just then he was a broken man, whose past kept springing up, no matter how hard he tried to leave it behind. Downton and Mary and all the sorrow he had experienced there, it always came back, haunting him.

"Matthew" she began in a gentle tone.

His eyes were dark and hollow; he looked a hundred years old.

Oh how she wished Mary had never come! It tortured Matthew so painfully.  
But they shared a bond. In a way Mary was like a sister to her. In a time of need she protected her from the same man who Mary had killed in the end.

Lavinia was indebted to Mary. Still, she knew Matthew had to learn the truth. For too long they had kept him ignorant. Hiding an ever growing pile of secrets from him. He was her husband though, he had the right to know. He was no Angel Clare, he would not abandon his wife and his cousin upon learning the truth. And he was right, Mary did came to his house. And surely before too long the police would come and ask questions. He needed to know, because he needed to protect not just Mary but himself as well, had he known the truth, he might have had motive to do away with Sir Richard too.

Once more she was surprised how little her husband knew

Lavinia's heart constricted. Mary had been very adamant not to tell him a word. She had made Lavinia promise it.  
She didn't see the point of hiding anything anymore though. Matthew was going to learn the truth eventually. There was no escaping it now. And if she knew the longer they waited the worse it would be for him. Nevertheless there was one thing Lavinia would never divulge to Matthew.

Mary Crawley still loved her husband.

Of course she had hidden it from Lavinia, but there was no doubt in her mind. Why Mary had done it, Why she had forfeited her life, her soul, in such an irredeemable way to keep Matthew save. Over the years Lavinia had heard Mary being called selfish more than once, but what Mary had done here was utterly selfless.

She was so grateful for Mary's sacrifice, but this was an phenomenon for a novel, an act for a heroine in a book, not for a person in real life. No, as deeply as Lavinia loved Matthew, she couldn't imagine doing what Mary had done.  
So intense was the love.

And Matthew, he would never believe it; he would never accept it; for too long he had been convinced that Mary never loved him nor ever would.

Lavinia knew the dowager countess had tried to persuade him to reconsider his feelings; Matthew told her some time into their second engagement. And for the remainder of their betrothal she had resented her audacity, had hated their logic, how from the aristocratic point of view Mary and Matthew made a complete match.

She never wanted to be a nuisance. And whatever Mary's feelings were, she loved him very much. Her love for Matthew was intense, too. And as selfish as it sounded, she couldn't stand the thought of a life without him; she wanted him by her side.

But today she came to know how faint her love was compared to the love this woman had had for her husband for years.

And how well had Mary hidden it; never made it known; never acted on it. Compared to her Matthew had been an open book. Mary's emotions however had been kept in check by her restraint. Until today she had kept up the charade, hadn't given anything away.

As a wife however, Lavinia's loyalty was with her husband and he had the right to know. He had to learn the reason for everything that happened, the reason for this upheaval of which they didn't know where and how it would end.

Finding the right words was a difficult task. The new information would surely be a difficult blow to recover didn't want to hurt Matthew more than she needed to and she most certainly didn't want to lay the blame at his feet.

She closed her eyes and explained

"Sir Richard was not happy with Mary's hesitating to marry him. He wanted Mary to love him as much as he did. Her lack of willingness drove him wild.

And as a nervous groom that he was, he got drunk. Unfortunately though he sought Mary out in his pitiful state and he made several false accusations. In the end his violent temper took over. Mary of course was rather unfazed and her cold way must have ignited his ire even more when she told them they needed to get married soon. Sir Richard wanted her to convince him that she loved him and only him. He wanted to be sure that no other man would occupy Mary's thoughts while she wed Richard. It seems like in he was an insecure man. Sir Richard had been doubting her and stalking her for a while it appears. Usually Mary knew how to diffuse these situations, this time she snapped though. Both of them were impatient, for different reasons, And Richard tried to … but Mary fought on... And then he killed him with her mother's hair comb. thrusting in his neck several times...Oh Matthew..., but given the history of Sir Richard's temper...imagine what else might have happened, had she not-..."

While Lavinia relayed all the gruesome details to her husband, Matthew grew very quiet.

"Did he harm her?" he asked.

"He couldn't. He was about to, but he didn't manage to. Mary fought him off. That's how it happened. The comb came loose and it was almost fell into her hands. It was her last chance."  
"So it was self defense." he spoke.

"Yes."

Matthew rubbed his eyes, the day had been long and he was exhausted.

"Then I am very glad that she had killed him, it gives me an immense pleasure to know that Mary fought that beast of a man"

His face formed a sneer, the grip on his cup grew strong.

How wished he had killed that man himself. What a ghastly thought, dishonouring your bride like this on her wedding day.

By the time Lavinia retired for the evening, Matthew's mood had grown as black as the night. He sat in a sad and dark room and pondered his feelings.

This changes everything, a thought digging itself deep into his thoughts, before his mind shut down completely .

Please review.


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